“Thanks you guys, - great to be here.. Let me adjust this mic stand…
Uh – you mind taking your masks off please? I like to actually hear the laughter..
So-this is my first time back onstage since this whole covid thing started.
Covid-19’s like Bruce Willis – just when you think he’s going away and you’ve seen the last of him he flares up again in a B-Grade Netflix movie.
So, as some of you guys know, I had my first child 18 months ago. At the age of 65. Not me, I didn’t have him – my wife did. She’s quite a bit younger than me – hell, the kid’s quite a bit younger than me. Wait- when I think about it - almost everything’s much younger than me. Hmm. I thought that would’ve gotten a bigger laugh…
Anyway, I never even planned to have a child – never wanted one. I just felt that the cycle of dysfunction should stop with me. Some of you might remember me talking about this incident that happened about eight years ago.
I was in Atlanta - I’m sitting at a table outside of a coffeehouse, when this adorable little girl comes walking down the sidewalk with her mom. She’s maybe 4 or 5 years old. Right when she’s walking past my table she stops. – Like it was meant to be – and says to her mom, “Mommy you know what my three favorite colors are?” It was so cute. – Anyway, the mom looks down at her and says, “No, Darling what are they?” Then they start walking down the street again, and that moment almost brought tears to my eyes. And as I watched them walk away, I thought, “There! That’s been my problem all along - I don’t give a fuck about - your – three – favorite - colors – I don’t think I care about one of them…”
Now flash forward eight years and every time my son stumbles into my home office, saying “da-da”, it’s all I can do not to tear up. I. am. So. Fucking. fortunate. Damn, I have no punchline for that….
Anyway, that’s all the time I have – Thank you & goodnight.”
And I hope you’ll subscribe to me.